human spaces

Hello.

I love cafes in New York City. I'm really thankful for this one that just opened up. One of favorite parts about them is an experience I'm actually having right now, as I type. Privacy in Public. Shared moments. Maybe also called eavesdropping or people watching. Shared moments just sounds less invasive. 

This guy next to me and his friend are discussing friends. (As I sit next to them for longer, I think this is actually a first date! Great conversation though.) They're talking about how sometimes you encounter people that seem to have so many friends and when you compare that to yourself, it can make you feel lonely sometimes. "Why don't I have that many friends? Whats wrong with me?" He challenged her... If you look deeply at all of those connections though, how many of them are deep. Maybe a better way to view friendships is not in quantity of people but the quality of those relationships. Good point sir. Come to think of it... I've found myself a victim of those thoughts before and come up with excuses so that I don't feel alone. 'Well, I was always friends with people older than me'. 'I switched schools a lot in middle school'. 'I was busy dancing'. 'I lived alone in college'. But the truth is, I'm making a discovery in this moment! I think that these excuses have actually prevented me, in the past, to reach out to friends I had and develop those individual relationships. At some point, I got locked into the idea that having friends means having a group. The older I get the more I am learning to take risks, and make plans. Crazy that making a phone call feels like a risk. Or sending a text or sending an email, a letter even!

I reached out to a friend for help a day ago. I just needed to talk something out. And I realized when I sent her the text "Hey, let me know when you're free. I'd love your advice on something," that I haven't really done that in so long. I call my dad, my mom, my brother. I talk to my boyfriend. I write. But this conversation with her was so great. And when we hung up, I felt like we had really gotten somewhere, I'd received great advice AND invested into the emotional bank account of our friendship. 

An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship. It’s the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.
— Stephen Covey

I want to have great friends. I love that some people have these groups of friends that feel like family, and sometimes I envy that. People who travel in packs. However, maybe some of us only have a handful of friends that we carry close to our hearts. That we let in with time and then will always be there for. We just have to keep showing up.

Cheers to the people we trust with ourselves.